When an event is days away but your mind is already there, sort the thoughts into two piles: preparation you can actually do, and predictions you can't settle until the day. Give the preparation a short list with times and a point where it counts as done. Give the predictions a short worry time each day until the event, and when they turn up early, note them in a couple of words and come back to what you are doing. This guide walks through a driving test on Friday, with a template and a clear stopping point.
Use this when the event is days away but your mind is already there
It is Monday morning and your driving test is on Friday. You are making toast, but in your head you are already at the roundabout by the test centre, stalling. In the shower you rehearse the reversing manoeuvre. At lunch you look up the pass rate again. Nothing about Friday has changed since breakfast, and yet Friday has taken up most of Monday.
Worrying ahead of something you know is coming is very common, whether it is a test, an interview, a medical appointment, a big conversation or a trip. The Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI), an Australian public mental health service, points out that worry can turn up at any time or place, often without a clear trigger, which is what makes it so interfering in an ordinary day.
This walkthrough is for everyday events a few days or a week away. You will need a note or a piece of paper and about fifteen minutes to set it up. It is an editorial adaptation of NHS and CCI self-help ideas, not a tested treatment.
Step 1: write the event down, then everything your mind is doing with it
Start with one line: the event, the day and the time. Driving test, Friday, 10:40. Seeing it written down as a fixed point can be steadying in itself. It is in one place on the calendar, not spread across the whole week.
Underneath, write out what your mind keeps bringing up about it, as quickly and untidily as you like. NHS Every Mind Matters suggests writing worries down because it makes them easier to work through one at a time. Do not sort anything yet; just get it out of your head and onto the page.
Step 2: split preparation from prediction
Now go through the list and mark each line with a P for preparation or a W for what-if. A preparation line is something you could actually do before the day: book a practice lesson, check where the test centre is, find your licence. A what-if is a guess about how the day will go: what if I stall, what if the examiner is strict, what if I fail and everyone asks.
NHS Every Mind Matters suggests asking whether there is anything practical you can do about a worry. If there is, write a specific plan of what you will do, how and when. So give each P line a day and a time, keep the list short, and add a final line: preparation done. That last line matters. It is the point after which going over the arrangements again is unlikely to add anything.
The W lines can't be answered from Monday. CCI's workbook on accepting uncertainty describes how worrying can feel like a way of preparing for the worst so there are no surprises, while only giving what it calls a fake sense of certainty. Rehearsing Friday for the twentieth time feels like getting ready, but it doesn't tell you how Friday will go.
Step 3: give the what-ifs an appointment each day until the event
Instead of trying to stop the what-ifs altogether, give them a set time. CCI's worry postponement sheet suggests choosing the same time, place and length each day, for example 6pm for 20 minutes, at a time that is convenient and not close to bedtime. NHS Every Mind Matters suggests 10 or 15 minutes. Pick whichever suits you; it only needs to be short and regular.
For an upcoming event, that gives you a small countdown: one short worry time each day between now and the day itself, and then it is over. You are not promising to stop thinking about Friday. You are choosing when.
Step 4: when a what-if turns up early, note it and come back to today
It will turn up early, probably more than once. CCI suggests noting the worry briefly, in a couple of words, reminding yourself that you will have time to think about it later, and turning your focus back to the present and what you are doing.
So if the roundabout appears while you are cooking, write roundabout on the list and go back to the pan. CCI also suggests doing something practical, positive, pleasant, active or nurturing at that point, so the moment has somewhere to go. Expect to do this many times on the first day; the CCI sheet says it takes practice and patience, and that people are often surprised by how many worries they are able to postpone.
Step 5: at worry time, check the list and stop when the time is up
When the time comes, sit down with the list. CCI suggests that you only worry about what you have noted if you feel you must, and that if some worries no longer seem relevant, they need nothing more. For the ones that still bother you, spend no longer than the time you set, and write your thoughts on paper rather than going round them in your head.
This is also a good moment to check whether a what-if has quietly become a P line. Worrying about getting lost on the way may turn into a practical step: look up the route tonight. If one what-if keeps growing into the worst possible ending, our three-outcome check can help you look at how likely it really is.
The day before, and the day itself
By the day before, the preparation list should be mostly ticked. Resist the pull to add new jobs unless something practical has actually changed, such as a time moving or a train being cancelled. Check the list once, then let the evening be an ordinary evening.
On the day, the what-ifs may get louder. That doesn't mean the plan has failed; nerves before something that matters are normal. Read your P list once, do the next practical thing, and remind yourself that the worry time has done its job. You are now finding out, which is the only way the what-ifs could ever be answered.
Worked example: a driving test on Friday
This example is invented to show the process. Event: driving test, Friday, 10:40, at the test centre on Mill Road.
Monday's list, sorted. P: book one last lesson for Wednesday at 5pm. P: check the route and parking for the test centre on Tuesday evening. P: put licence and confirmation email in a folder on Thursday. Preparation done: Thursday evening. W: what if I stall at the roundabout? W: what if I forget the reversing manoeuvre? W: what if I fail and have to tell everyone?
Worry time: 6:30 each evening, 15 minutes, at the kitchen table, until Thursday.
Monday at lunch, the pass rate comes to mind: noted as pass rate, back to work. Tuesday at worry time, stalling still feels likely, so it goes on Wednesday's lesson as something to practise, which turns a W into a P. What if I fail is still there on Thursday, and the honest answer is that it is possible; if it happens, the next step is booking another test. On Friday the folder is by the door, and the what-ifs finally get a real answer.
A template you can copy
This template is an original editorial example, not a clinical worksheet. Copy it into a note or onto paper.
- Event, day and time:
- Preparation (P), each with a day and time:
- Preparation counts as done when:
- What-ifs (W), a couple of words each:
- Worry time each day until then (time, place, length):
- Noted early and postponed:
- After the event: what actually happened?
Stopping point: when to put the list down
You can stop setting up once every P line has a time, preparation has a done point and the worry time is booked. You don't need to feel calm about the event, and you don't need an answer to every what-if. The list holds them now.
Afterwards, it can be worth looking back at the W lines and noting what actually happened. Not to prove the worry wrong, but because seeing the difference between what you predicted and what happened can make the next build-up a little easier to spot.
If worrying about upcoming events is constant, hard to put down, or is affecting your sleep, work or relationships, it is worth talking to your GP. The NHS also says adults in England can refer themselves to an NHS talking therapies service without seeing a GP first. This guide is educational and is not a substitute for that support.
Sources
- Centre for Clinical Interventions — Generalised Anxiety Information Sheet 05: Postpone your Worry (PDF; worry period, noting worries briefly, returning to the present)
- Centre for Clinical Interventions — What? Me Worry!?! Module 9: Accepting Uncertainty (PDF; worrying as preparing for the worst, a fake sense of certainty)
- NHS Every Mind Matters — Tackling your worries (writing worries down, practical plans, worry time)
- NHS — Generalised anxiety disorder in adults (when to see a GP, self-referral to NHS talking therapies)