One worry settles and another turns up
The radiator has been cold for a week. You chase the landlord, the engineer finally comes, and by lunchtime the flat is warm again. For about an hour you feel lighter. Then you notice the gutter outside the window looks a bit loose. And didn't your sister sound short on the phone yesterday? By the evening you are as busy worrying as you were before the radiator was fixed. Only the subject has changed.
If that sounds familiar, you are not alone. The Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI), an Australian public mental health service, notes in its self-help workbook on worry that people who see themselves as worriers are often troubled by how much of their day goes on worrying about a number of different things, and often ask, "Why do I keep worrying?"
Everyone worries about the same sorts of things
It can help to know that the topics themselves are rarely unusual. The CCI workbook says research shows we all worry, and we all worry about the same sorts of things: money, health, work, the people we love, whether we said the wrong thing.
What makes the difference, according to the same workbook, is how much time we spend worrying and how hard we find it to disengage. For most people most of the time, a worrying thought is short-lived. It either gives way to another thought or gets settled by doing something practical. Worry becomes unhelpful when it is very frequent and hard to step away from.
The topic changes, the process stays the same
CCI describes worrying as a kind of repetitive self-talk about bad things that might happen in the future. It often starts with a single "what if…" that pops into your head, sometimes for no clear reason. If you let it go, it usually slips away. If you start to chase it, adding the next step and the one after that, a passing thought turns into a whole worry episode.
Seen this way, it makes sense that sorting out one worry does not stop the next. Fixing the radiator solved a real problem, but it did nothing to change the habit of picking up a new what-if and following it. The next thought that drifts past, a loose gutter or a short phone call, gets the same treatment.
Why a solved worry can leave a gap
Part of what keeps the cycle going is a wish for certainty. CCI's module on accepting uncertainty explains that people who find not knowing very hard often treat worrying as a way of predicting life so there are no nasty surprises. Worrying seems to make things more certain, so they keep doing it.
The catch, as CCI puts it, is that worrying only gives a "fake" sense of certainty. Life is just as uncertain and unpredictable as it was before. There is always something whose outcome you don't yet know, so when one question is answered, another is waiting. If worrying also feels useful, as if it prepares you or shows you care, letting the next one pass can feel careless. We look at that feeling in more detail in Does Worrying Actually Help?
Look at the pattern, not just the topic
One way to see the pattern for yourself is to keep a single running list for a week. Each time a new worry arrives, give it one line, not a full page. This is an everyday editorial adaptation of the CCI workbook's suggestion to write down the what-if questions you ask yourself and the things that set them off.
At the end of the week, read the list back and ask yourself:
- How many different topics are on here?
- Which ones needed me to actually do something, and did I do it?
- Which ones turned out fine, or simply faded on their own?
- Did a new worry tend to arrive soon after an old one was sorted?
- Did worrying about any of them change what happened?
When the next worry arrives
You don't have to solve each new worry the moment it appears. Try this short sequence instead:
- Name it. "There's the next one." Noticing the pattern is the first step CCI describes for letting go of the need for certainty.
- Ask the NHS question: is there anything practical I can do about this? If there is, decide what the next step is and when you'll do it.
- If there's nothing to do right now, or nothing you can do at all, write one line and set it aside for later. The NHS suggests telling yourself, "I'll set that aside for my worry time."
- Choose a short, regular worry time, around 10 to 15 minutes. When it comes, go back to the list and see which worries still need you.
- Expect your mind to drift back. When it does, notice it and go back to what you were doing. You may need to do this many times; that is normal.
Bring your attention back to now
Worry pulls your attention towards the future. CCI suggests that when you notice yourself wanting certainty, you can choose not to respond with more worrying and instead bring your attention back to the present: your breathing, the chair supporting you, your feet on the floor.
In the radiator example, that might simply mean sitting with your back against it for five minutes, noticing that the flat is warm and that this particular problem is finished. The gutter can wait for worry time, or for a quick look in daylight.
When to get more support
Finding a new thing to worry about now and then is part of being human. But if you often feel very anxious about lots of different things, and the worry is hard to control or is affecting your daily life, sleep or mood, the NHS suggests speaking to a GP. Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) is one possible cause, and support is available. This article is everyday information, not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional help.
Sources and further reading
- Centre for Clinical Interventions — What? Me Worry!?! Module 2: Overview of Worrying (PDF; everyone worries about similar things, what triggers and maintains worry)
- Centre for Clinical Interventions — What? Me Worry!?! Module 9: Accepting Uncertainty (PDF; need for certainty, being aware, present focus)
- NHS Every Mind Matters — Tackling your worries (practical versus hypothetical worries, worry time)
- NHS — Generalised anxiety disorder in adults